Have you ever felt like you were “meant” to do a thing, but even thinking about that thing left you feeling completely vulnerable, inadequate, and terrified? I’m there. And that, I suppose, is why I’m here, baring myself to the whole of cyberspace in a feeble attempt to do something that’s been on my heart for decades.
I’ve never had much self-confidence. In fact, I have spent most of my years wondering how God could even have a purpose for me. I’m prone to self destruction, my past is a train wreck, and most of the time if I’m speaking, I can barely string two sentences together without flubbing big time.
There’s one thing that has been repeated to me almost as often as the mental rehashing of all of my failings. Many people have told me that I have a gift for writing, but I’ve got a bad habit of negating their compliments as “they’re just being nice.” Recently, however, I’ve had a bit of a loving reality slap from a dear friend who reminded me that if I’ve been blessed with a talent that I refuse to use for God’s work because I’m afraid I’m not “good enough”, I’m no better than the unfaithful servant in Matthew 25 who fearfully buried the one talent he was entrusted with by his master.
It’s time to get to work.
You may notice, if you read much of anything I post, that I use a lot of metaphors in my writing. I do my best thinking while my body is actively engaged in physical labor, and these last few years, much of that has been in my garden. I feel closest to God when I have my hands and feet in the dirt, and my big “light bulb moments” come when I’m elbow-deep in meditation … and mud.
Of Jesus’ many parables, one of my favorites is the parable of the sower. I find my mind delving deeply into the object lessons the Savior gives while I’m in the garden. I am a visual learner, so when I can see a lesson come alive in a practical way, it is wonderfully faith-affirming.
No, this isn’t a gardening blog; I’m far too inexperienced to believe I have any wisdom to offer. You will find, however, examples of what spiritual wisdom I have gained through my time in the Master’s garden. I hope what I’ve learned can be a blessing to you! Join me in the mud, will you? 😊